Upside Down/Inside Out!

As a child I was given the impression that when I was OLD, say 35, 40 or so, I would know everything, and would pass through wisdom's door.  Once through the door, my hard work was done ~ I would be respected and looked up to and revered because I'd lived long enough to cross that 'old' age barrier into wisdom.  I suppose I felt that life would be easy ~ I could sit on my throne and bequeath solutions like lollypops to those sitting at my feet taking in my brilliance!  

What ACTUALLY happened was that ages 35, 40, 45, 50, and 60 came and went and I've arrived at 69 in one piece!  I never saw the door or was moving through life too fast and furiously to recognize it.  During this time my life was turned upside down and inside out!  I'm pleased to say that I've entered a new phase, and it seems I've come full circle.  Certain child-like qualities have re-surfaced in my life which makes an incredible amount of sense.  My mind longs for the simple, easy way a child approaches each day, with a sprinkling of age's wisdom mixed in. 


In the right ratio, I am beginning to live more in the present moment in a child-like awareness of how I feel ~ happy, sad or mad.  These feelings come and go swiftly as I take action based upon my feelings.  If I feel good, I keep doing it; if I hurt or feel bad, I STOP doing it immediately! There is no more 'enduring' people or situations that cause me or others a great deal of pain and anguish.


I also have permission to love people unconditionally with the pure, innocent heart of a child.  Children don't spend the hours I did as a maturing adult, analyzing relationship issues inside/out, creating more confusion than clarity, then throwing up their hands and wanting to just walk away.  No, in my child-like approach I can love anyone I choose, and I choose to love as many as I can; I  see people through a mature child's eyes, able to see beyond the 'owies' to the gifts buried beneath the scars...and lo and behold, it's MAGIC!  I do, indeed, see beauty and possibility!

I can embrace people openly, sharing 'me' with them.  I'm free to be comfortable in my own skin...I love the 'me' I've become and now can focus on and see others and celebrate their unique gifts.  We can play together and honor the innocent child within each other.

Why "inside out/upside-down"?  Because, like many, I was taught that growing and evolving is painful, adult business ~ that in order to succeed I had to be willing to work myself out of balance, judge myself and others by stupendous standards, and agree that when one person wins there HAS to be a loser. 


Now at age 69 I know better and I embrace the novelty of coming full circle and living EVERY minute fully! 


I choose to stay on the road of Balance in all things...

I Claim What is Mine

I surrender all fear, all doubt.

I let go of all uncertainty.

I know there is no confusion, no lack of confidence.

I know that what is mine will claim me, know me, rush to me.

I accept the gift of Life for myself and for everyone else.

~ Ernest Holmes

What a fabulous visual and statement…I know that what is mine will claim me, know me, rush to me! I surrender all my thoughts about what ‘could’ happen for what IS. All is in Divine Right Order in my life. As Spirit flows through me, I open all the doors within me to allow life and all its possibilities take root within me. As I do so, I realize that there is an ‘order’ to my expression. I relax into who I really am, to allowing Spirit to dance within me, move me in the perfect right direction of expression in all areas of my life. I embrace myself, my unique expression of life. The world I see is FULL of possibilities. My needs and desires are ALWAYS met.

I understand and absorb that the doors to each of my energy centers that fuel and nurture my entire being are permanently propped open. Universal light swirls effortlessly through me from crown to root chakra, from root to crown chakra! I am pure, shining white light expanding out from my heart center to each and every person on this planet, to all creatures big and small, to mother earth and her bounty, to the universe, affirming my union with All that Is. As I embody and extend this unconditional love, we are all transformed ~ Mother Earth is blessed and healed to the core.

I bless this day and, from my relaxed, open heart and mind, everything that I need to accomplish is done effortlessly. I am present in my life, I am happy, I am at peace, I am grateful for the honor of dancing on the earth at this time in history. Who I am makes a difference, my contributions are valuable and unique, clients and students are attracted to my light – it reflects and encourages into expression their own light. I am honored to serve and witness the awakening of Light on the earth through the people I serve. I trust Spirit will guide me each step of the way, that all my desires and needs will be met beautifully and magnificently. I wish peace, abundance and well being for myself and everyone on the planet. I bless this day!

Personal Conversation with God...my life purpose

Hi, God, it’s me, Paula. I know You’ve been with me every second but I haven’t necessarily been aware of You. I’m trying to change that. I’m working on becoming consciously aware of my feelings, my thoughts and what comes from my mouth.

It’s incredible to observe how few truly loving, positive thoughts, feelings and words there are. It’s as though I’ve turned on the light in a dark attic and the light is showing me the cobwebs, the ‘dead’ end thoughts and ideas, the unkind judgments that run rampant in my mind. As I observe, I’m struck by how ‘unconscious’ I can be, how unkind, how judgmental…NO WONDER I’m feeling less, down, ‘unable’ to move forward in fulfilling my contract with You! I’ve weighted myself down with the shackles of judgments.

I started reading The Fifth Agreement. I had really underestimated the depth of this work.  In the first three chapters the author’s discussing the First Agreement, ‘Be impeccable with your word.’ I had thought this meant telling the truth. Well, as he discusses in those first chapters, there’s much more to it than that. He discusses the differences between Truth, which is Universal, and Symbols (words) that ‘describe’ Truth. He talks about symbols being the artist’s brush, the individual ‘take’ on the Truth that is perceived. Here it all becomes subjective, depending upon live experience, culture, religious dogma, etc. He then goes further to challenge us to begin to SEE Truth for what it is…for example, a tree IS what it is. No matter where you are in the world, no matter what your dogma or culture, everyone will agree that the physical tree is the same for everyone. We will name it (symbols) differently depending upon our language but it is the same for everyone in its essence.

My FEELINGS are based upon My life experience and beliefs about what I see and experience in my life…and those feelings are rarely based on the Truth about me. This is where it all gets so rich! I can (and do) look at the physical manifestation, individuation of ‘Paula’ and SEE me through many different lenses. The problem is that I too often SEE Paula as less than I want to be. Since I’m looking at me through this lens, I judge myself as ‘not good enough’. Is this TRUE? It depends upon my beliefs and thoughts about Paula’s physical being. It IS true that I am an older woman. Physical description of me is VERY subjective because it is made through eyes affected by personal judgment. So, I could stand naked in a room of ten people. Depending upon their belief systems and personal judgments, they would all see me differently. So it kind of boils down to who do you want to believe? What is the TRUE image of me? Am I okay right now or not? That clearly is up to ME to decide…by how I feel at the given moment! This body is a vehicle to carry my Spirit through this lifetime. I chose it carefully before I came into this lifetime. I felt at the time that it would serve me well for the creative adventures I would have. So what have I created with my body so far?

I have borne, breast fed and reared two highly intelligent, creative and successful young men (that is my judgment right there!). To be without judgment, I could say that I have borne, breast fed and raised to young men. That process was ‘uneventful’ in that I had NO problems with the pregnancies or births. My body is strong, well-formed…weight is evenly distributed. My Presence has always been appealing to others; I have no obvious characteristics that have made it difficult for me to be accepted by others: no extremes in weight or physical mal formations. The most that could be said one way or the other is that I have carried too little weight and more weight than is ‘comfortable’ for me.

Eating has meant COMFORT to me all my life. I’ve eaten foods I enjoyed when I was sad – sweets and carbs had a soothing, nurturing effect on my body and the way I felt. I learned to eat when I was sad and eat that way when I was happy too! I really craved the FEELING of fullness and ‘lethargy’ that followed – it was like a food fix. Since I was eating that way from childhood where I developed those habits, I did it in excess…wasn’t able to monitor how much I was eating…I just kept mindlessly shoving it in until I was bloated and couldn’t eat another bite. I usually ate this way and read a book while listening to music. (I was a lonely child – ironic for being one of six children). I didn’t feel I counted or was HEARD for the most part as a member in my family growing up. So I nurtured 'Pulie' with goodies. I buried my ‘shut off’ valve early on so I had no clue how much I was actually eating, or drinking as I came of age. I didn’t THINK about, wasn’t conscious of stuffing myself.

As an adult, mature woman now, I can look at those behaviors and feel compassion for myself and choose a new way of living, a new way of living CONSCIOUSLY in all areas of my life. I am developing the ability to FEEL my shut off valve now. I am experimenting with different foods that are healthy and life-giving and affirming. I notice the different ways I feel eating and drinking certain things. I FEEL how much better I perform and physically feel when I eat nutrient-dense foods…I no longer CRAVE the hamburgers and French fries. I’m still learning that I don’t have to binge when I eat out. My mind still has a tendency to revert back to the old patterns that if I go to a certain restaurant I need to order the biggest and richest food I like. I KNOW that’s all in my head but my MEMORY and HABIT kick in and often win out over my ‘mature’ mind’s ideas.

I’m growing and evolving…I’ve found a wonderful, complete body work out through Cross-Fit. It appeals to the natural athlete in me. I am enjoying recovering my strength and building on it. I’m ‘remembering’ how to jump rope and may even some day be able to do pull ups, something I was NEVER able to do even as a young person. My fitness level is encouraging me to eat healthier of my own volition. I want to see the results of my commitment to my fitness. Too, I notice that having more weight than I need on my body is uncomfortable and slows me down in physical activities. I want to be able to move easily and fast if I want to, I want to feel physically comfortable with running, jumping, whatever. I want to maintain my physical freedom…it’s becoming more obvious to me as I get older that “I” have to be the one to take care of me. I don’t want to turn my life, and my body over to medical doctors who will put me on medications to reverse mistakes I’ve made.

I guess what I’m seeing here, God, is that You HAVE given me 100% freedom to create what I desire with this body of mine, with this life of mine. I’ve finally decided that it’s TIME…TIME for me to live consciously. It’s time for me to choose and create consciously in all areas of my life. As I do this, I will be able to fulfill my contract that I made with you before I came in this lifetime.

GOD: Well, young lady, you’ve gone on and on this morning…I wondered where you were going with this dialogue. It looks to me like you’ve come full circle, haven’t you? You’ve seen what living unconsciously, driven by habits can bring you. You’ve also tasted what conscious creation can do for you. Living consciously and choosing what you WANT to experience, create and live is so very POWERFUL! And I’m behind that 100%, just as I am with anything you choose.

Your choice making will produce results that either make you feel very happy or help you numb out. Time's going by, Paula, and you DO have a contract for this lifetime to fulfill. You have made a tremendous amount of progress so don’t feel down on yourself.

The good news is that it’s SO MUCH EASIER to create positive things, life-affirming things, like health, wealth, abundance! Once you get it that by remaining conscious in your thinking and choices the Universe delivers so fast it will make your head spin. What do you think of that? You’ve seen it happen already in your life, with creating the home you now live in…it’s pretty ideal for what you asked for and came about very quickly. You and Larry have done this over and over in your lives together. You can create SO MUCH MORE AND fulfill your contracts at the same time! So how about it?

That sounds great to me! I’m trying, as You know, to remember just what our contract is…I know I FEEL like I know what it is…putting it into words seems to elude me, and I’ve BEEN trying, You know. YES I DO KNOW. I feel IT in my solar plexus, in my heart chakra and, at times, throughout my entire being…it’s a knowingness. It feels huge to me, it’s unconditional love and it pours through me at given times and I feel Your love enfold me and extend to whomever I’m with at the time. I find then that I’m saying things that resonate with them, or touching them in ways that feel healing to them, or I feel Your love coming through my eyes. So obviously I’m serving as a vessel of Your love. This love is able to transform lives, mine and others’. I’m learning that I don’t have to necessarily CALL it anything, yet how do I tell others what I have to offer, how will they show up if I can’t put this gift, this contract into words?

GOD: THE THING IS TO BE. YOU CAME IN TO SHINE, TO BE, TO REFLECT ME IN EVERYTHING YOU DO WITH EVERYONE YOU MEET. YOU ARE STRONG, YOU ARE WISE, YOU HAVE LIVED INNUMERABLE LIFE TIMES. YOU HAVE BEEN WITH JESUS THE CHRIST…YOU ARE FINALLY COMING INTO THE WORLD AT A TIME WHEN THE CHRIST CONSCIOUSNESS IS NEEEDED MOST. YOU ARE HERE TO REFLECT IT, TO LIVE IT, TO TEACH, TO HEAL…TO BE MY EYES, SHINING LOVE AND COMPASSION AT MANKIND; YOU ARE TO BE MY PHYSICAL HANDS, HEALING WITH YOUR TOUCH…YOU ARE TO BE MY VOICE, TEACHING AND EMPOWERING OTHERS, LETTING YOUR LIGHT SO SHINE AS TO BRING THE CHILDREN TO ME, THE FATHER. YOU ARE HERE, MY CHILD, TO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE ME, THAT EACH SOUL IS ME, THAT YOU ARE ALL ONE. YOU ARE HERE TO SAVE THE WORLD, ONE PERSON AT A TIME OR IN GROUPS OR MULTITUDES. YOU HAVE THE VOICE AND THE PRESENCE OF AUTHORITY. PEOPLE OF ALL BACKGROUNDS WILL BE ATTRACTED TO YOU, WILL HEAR YOU, WILL SEE THE TRUTH IN WHAT YOU SHARE AND WILL OPEN THEIR HEARTS TO ME. YOU ARE HERE TO SERVE AS MY INSTRUMENT, MY CHILD. YOU HAVE SO MANY GIFTS AT YOUR DISPOSAL. OPEN TO USING THEM. OPEN YOUR MOUTH, LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD, LET THE MESSAGE BE DELIVERED…YOU CAME IN WHEN THE WORLD WOULD BE AT CRITICAL MASS…LOVE IS WINNING BUT IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE THAT NOW. YOU ARE TO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, YOUR MIND CLEAR, YOUR BODY STRONG, YOUR VOICE IN TUNE. YOU ARE TO REMAIN CONSCIOUS, TO TALK WITH ME CONSTANTLY, TO TUNE IN TO ME…TO BE HONEST AND OPEN AND TRANSPARENT. THERE IS NO MORE TIME FOR HIDING…HUMANKIND HAS NEVER BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT ANYWAY. I’VE ALWAYS KNOWN, ALWAYS SEEN WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON.

Well this sounds great…how am I to attract clients, what do I call what I do? What can I charge for my work? As you know, Larry and I want to live abundant lives, where we have the resources to travel, to have the THINGS in life that we desire, so that we can help the others who need financial support for life-affirming projects.
 
I feel so little and ineffective to the cause, God. You know this about me. The job looks SO HUGE and impossible for me. I feel filled with self-doubt. It’s one thing to sit in Spirit and look at the world, where I know the Truth. When I incarnated it became a lot harder to SEE and FEEL how I can make a difference. I still need to overcome some early conditioning…I want to empower myself, to see my debilitating beliefs for what they are…I want to step up and accept in faith that YOU are there for me, that YOU will take care of the HOWS when I commit to being your instrument. I know I’ve already committed to that but I DO need YOUR help. Please help me see where I fit into the big picture here, okay?


GOD:  I WILL COME TO YOU, I AM WITH YOU, I AM WORKING WITH YOU IN ALL THESE THINGS, MY CHILD. YOU ARE NOT EVER ALONE. WHEN YOU CAME INTO YOUR BODY YOU WERE SUCH A LITTLE TROOPER, INSISTING ON ‘DOING IT ALL YOURSELF’. YOU WANTED TO EARN YOUR WINGS RIGHT AWAY! WE ALLOWED YOU THE FREEDOM TO FEEL ALONE, TO MAKE YOUR WAY AS YOU HAVE DONE. WE ARE HERE NOW THAT YOU HAVE DECIDED TO BE CONSCIOUS OF OUR PRESENCE IN YOUR LIFE…WE ARE SO PLEASED WITH YOUR PROGRESS AND YOUR WILLINGNESS TO BE COACHED. YES,  YOU WILL BE RECEIVING MEMORIES, IDEAS AND KNOWINGNESS. WE LOVE YOU.

Effortless Creation

"When you are really in the flow with your Inner Being, ideas come easily ~ they are implemented easily. It's fun while you are in the process of them, and it doesn't matter how they unfold; and nothing can go wrong, and it doesn't matter if you don't get it done, it's just fun to do it. Your Inner Being feels no limit. So, anything that feels like limits is something that you have self-imposed".
~Abraham-Hicks Publications

Who among us doesn't have huge dreams and goals that we would like to see manifest in our lives. Yet, too often we get caught up in the 'doingness' instead of the 'beingness' of what we want to create. We've been indoctrinated into the belief system that we have to Effort, to Struggle, to leap tall buildings and put out huge fires to get where we say we want to be...we have to MAKE it happen.

What if instead we choose to become more aware of how we are FEELING about what we want to accomplish. What if our intention became one of using our feelings as an barometer of how we're doing in our daily lives. If we feel good, positive...we're headed in the right direction. We can listen to ourselves and move forward with our goals, taking action that now becomes less about 'effort' and more about 'inspiration'. Tasks are completed with ease.

This is simple but not easy to do. We can understand this intellectually and yet miss the mark because we think we have to shift our feelings on a dime. If we're feeling pressured, under the gun, negative emotions, it's unrealistic to think we're going to be able to authentically shift to being passionately positive. However, we can shift our thoughts deliberately to ones that are more in line with a 'good', 'positive' feeling.

We can't change ourselves over night to always being in the flow, but we can commit to noticing our feelings at a given time and making a choice to search for a thought that is more in line with feeling good. The wonderful thing is that over time our overall approach to the way we think and proceed in our lives will include honoring and acting on our positive feelings. Our lives will reflect our magnificence.

Let's dream HUGE...let's align with that aspect of ourselves that KNOWS and accepts and supports us in becoming the very best we can be!

Larry Githens Every morning during our "Spiritual Talk", Paula and I do align ourselves in dreaming huge, and supporting each other in our joint and individual dreams! The challenge is to stay focused, but relaxed. When we do that we can "stay in the flow", and life is an adventure.



Mary Ann Baridon: What a wonderfully inspiring and empowering message on living in life's flow!!! Good job...keep tapping into your reservoir of spiritual wisdom to share with us!

Love & blessings, M

Thoughts on what equality really means

As we embrace that basic human needs are the same everywhere in the world, we step up to a whole new way of serving, of helping others. We no longer see ourselves or anyone else as separate or different or ‘special’. Helping, reaching out can be extended to anyone/everyone ~ in fact to be truly effective in giving, we can not have an agenda.

This is a challenging concept to get my mind around. Okay, here we go…for years I’ve wanted to be able to identify the connection between me and the beggar on the street, me and the drunk, me and the criminal. I’ve always wanted to be able to see them as God sees them, to be able to extend love and compassion. What holds me back, why can’t I allow myself to see as God sees them? Why can’t I ‘get it’ internally that there’s no difference between us?

To be honest, I’d have to admit that I’m AFRAID of associating, talking with them, seeing them as equal to myself because I’m afraid that would mean I’m as dirty, uneducated, and despicable as I’m judging them to be! Aha! I’m so friggin afraid that by being authentic with them I will see myself as ‘less’, that I’ll be categorized and seen by others as unworthy and unacceptable.

So there’s lots of judgment there on my part ~ not surprising. I remember wanting to be able to bridge this particular gap even as a grade school child back in Lakewood, Colorado. I went to a Catholic grade school about one mile from where we lived. My family was upper middle class (perhaps more). We were rich by my friends' standards. We didn’t live an ostentatious lifestyle by any means but we did have everything we needed and lots of what we wanted. My parents were very much into appearances but not in the pretentious way. What people thought was very important.
It was in this environment that I grew up, yet underneath it all was the hunger to reach out and touch everyone regardless of their social standing. I was unwittingly coming from a different mind set. It was appropriate for my parents to be concerned about this tendency of mine because it was their job to protect me and help me grow up free from harm.

The example that stands out in my mind after all these years is Tex Brown. Tex and his wife lived in a wooden shack I had to pass every day on my way to and from school. Tex looked to be every one of his 80 years, with a face that was deeply lined by life. Tex's wife looked just as wizened as he did. There was a horse they rode instead of driving a car. I was fascinated with them, especially Tex although I can’t remember anything we talked about. I must have been about 9 or 10 years old at the most. Tex and I had a heart connection that I couldn’t explain to my parent’s satisfaction! There was something in his eyes that I connected with…it was the authentic self, the goodness that I was connecting with in both him and his wife. One day Tex gave me a ride home on his horse. I don’t remember what happened but I DO know I was forbidden to ever talk with or associate with him again. I sort of got the message from my father that Tex could hurt me in some way, that he wasn’t ‘good enough’ for us. I was to associate 'danger' with him.

I believe I obeyed my father on this. Perhaps he was able to engender fear in me, yet even at that age I KNEW there was nothing to fear ~ strange. What I DID get was the message loud and clear that there is a strata of society that is unacceptable to us, not only unacceptable but dangerous, capable of inflicting harm.

My staying away from Tex and anyone else my father thought unacceptable didn’t do away with my desire to connect at a deep level with others, even the ‘unacceptable’. This desire isn’t morbid curiosity or a desire to feel ‘better’ than them. It has to do with what we’re talking about here…I want to transcend my fears, to allow myself to see as God sees all of us, as equals with the same basic human needs.

Having the same basic human needs means the need for food, shelter,adequte health care, work; in other words, the need to survive. From there our quality of life can and does vary greatly. Some of us want to live in mansions, drive expensive cars, have huge bank accounts. Others are happy with much less. What we all seem to shy away from is the basic humanness of everyone…we’re afraid to be authentic with EVERYONE. We believe we need to hold ourselves SEPARATE from people who don’t conform to our way of life and our philosophies. Helping others oftentimes comes down to writing a check, not looking the person who needs help in the eye. We can’t allow ourselves that indignity…are we afraid we’ll see our own reflection gazing back at us? I think so!

Perhaps I fear that eye/soul connection, fear what I might see if I allowed myself to interact authentically with someone who is down and out. It could be very confusing to work through what I would want to do for them or feel compelled to do for them once I listened to their story.

Interesting that it’s all about me and MY fears of CATCHING poverty, addiction, physical or mental illness that comes to play here. That’s PART of my reluctance but not all I’m sure. I believe the ego plays a huge part here as well. My ego is proud of my accomplishments and hides my insecurities behind my material success; but the fear is there underneath it all that somehow I’ll be exposed as a fraud if I find common ground with someone who is obviously not doing well by society’s standards. The fear is there that the beggar and I are equals!!! I think there’s a lot to that fear.

If he/she and I are equal, not different, what’s the value of my aspiring to a greater quality of life, more education, more money, more security, a good social position if I’m NO BETTER, NO DIFFERENT than the beggar? My judgments are huge here…I’m making LOTS of assumptions too. How can I be sure that I’m all that better off than the beggar? Could it really be true that when I let go of my judgments of good/bad, we all choose and create our own lives…that there’s no such thing as a victim? Yes, there’s much to look at here, a literal feast of ideas to play with!

Perhaps there really IS NO difference between us ~ that it’s all an illusion created by our egos. We know the judgments of ego, how those judgments separate us, don’t engender equality. As long as I hold onto the need to judge everyone around me, the authentic connection I hunger for will remain beyond my grasp.  I’m going to keep working on it, trust me.