As we embrace that basic human needs are the same everywhere in the world, we step up to a whole new way of serving, of helping others. We no longer see ourselves or anyone else as separate or different or ‘special’. Helping, reaching out can be extended to anyone/everyone ~ in fact to be truly effective in giving, we can not have an agenda.
This is a challenging concept to get my mind around. Okay, here we go…for years I’ve wanted to be able to identify the connection between me and the beggar on the street, me and the drunk, me and the criminal. I’ve always wanted to be able to see them as God sees them, to be able to extend love and compassion. What holds me back, why can’t I allow myself to see as God sees them? Why can’t I ‘get it’ internally that there’s no difference between us?
To be honest, I’d have to admit that I’m AFRAID of associating, talking with them, seeing them as equal to myself because I’m afraid that would mean I’m as dirty, uneducated, and despicable as I’m judging them to be! Aha! I’m so friggin afraid that by being authentic with them I will see myself as ‘less’, that I’ll be categorized and seen by others as unworthy and unacceptable.
So there’s lots of judgment there on my part ~ not surprising. I remember wanting to be able to bridge this particular gap even as a grade school child back in Lakewood, Colorado. I went to a Catholic grade school about one mile from where we lived. My family was upper middle class (perhaps more). We were rich by my friends' standards. We didn’t live an ostentatious lifestyle by any means but we did have everything we needed and lots of what we wanted. My parents were very much into appearances but not in the pretentious way. What people thought was very important.
It was in this environment that I grew up, yet underneath it all was the hunger to reach out and touch everyone regardless of their social standing. I was unwittingly coming from a different mind set. It was appropriate for my parents to be concerned about this tendency of mine because it was their job to protect me and help me grow up free from harm.
The example that stands out in my mind after all these years is Tex Brown. Tex and his wife lived in a wooden shack I had to pass every day on my way to and from school. Tex looked to be every one of his 80 years, with a face that was deeply lined by life. Tex's wife looked just as wizened as he did. There was a horse they rode instead of driving a car. I was fascinated with them, especially Tex although I can’t remember anything we talked about. I must have been about 9 or 10 years old at the most. Tex and I had a heart connection that I couldn’t explain to my parent’s satisfaction! There was something in his eyes that I connected with…it was the authentic self, the goodness that I was connecting with in both him and his wife. One day Tex gave me a ride home on his horse. I don’t remember what happened but I DO know I was forbidden to ever talk with or associate with him again. I sort of got the message from my father that Tex could hurt me in some way, that he wasn’t ‘good enough’ for us. I was to associate 'danger' with him.
I believe I obeyed my father on this. Perhaps he was able to engender fear in me, yet even at that age I KNEW there was nothing to fear ~ strange. What I DID get was the message loud and clear that there is a strata of society that is unacceptable to us, not only unacceptable but dangerous, capable of inflicting harm.
My staying away from Tex and anyone else my father thought unacceptable didn’t do away with my desire to connect at a deep level with others, even the ‘unacceptable’. This desire isn’t morbid curiosity or a desire to feel ‘better’ than them. It has to do with what we’re talking about here…I want to transcend my fears, to allow myself to see as God sees all of us, as equals with the same basic human needs.
Having the same basic human needs means the need for food, shelter,adequte health care, work; in other words, the need to survive. From there our quality of life can and does vary greatly. Some of us want to live in mansions, drive expensive cars, have huge bank accounts. Others are happy with much less. What we all seem to shy away from is the basic humanness of everyone…we’re afraid to be authentic with EVERYONE. We believe we need to hold ourselves SEPARATE from people who don’t conform to our way of life and our philosophies. Helping others oftentimes comes down to writing a check, not looking the person who needs help in the eye. We can’t allow ourselves that indignity…are we afraid we’ll see our own reflection gazing back at us? I think so!
Perhaps I fear that eye/soul connection, fear what I might see if I allowed myself to interact authentically with someone who is down and out. It could be very confusing to work through what I would want to do for them or feel compelled to do for them once I listened to their story.
Interesting that it’s all about me and MY fears of CATCHING poverty, addiction, physical or mental illness that comes to play here. That’s PART of my reluctance but not all I’m sure. I believe the ego plays a huge part here as well. My ego is proud of my accomplishments and hides my insecurities behind my material success; but the fear is there underneath it all that somehow I’ll be exposed as a fraud if I find common ground with someone who is obviously not doing well by society’s standards. The fear is there that the beggar and I are equals!!! I think there’s a lot to that fear.
If he/she and I are equal, not different, what’s the value of my aspiring to a greater quality of life, more education, more money, more security, a good social position if I’m NO BETTER, NO DIFFERENT than the beggar? My judgments are huge here…I’m making LOTS of assumptions too. How can I be sure that I’m all that better off than the beggar? Could it really be true that when I let go of my judgments of good/bad, we all choose and create our own lives…that there’s no such thing as a victim? Yes, there’s much to look at here, a literal feast of ideas to play with!
Perhaps there really IS NO difference between us ~ that it’s all an illusion created by our egos. We know the judgments of ego, how those judgments separate us, don’t engender equality. As long as I hold onto the need to judge everyone around me, the authentic connection I hunger for will remain beyond my grasp. I’m going to keep working on it, trust me.
